I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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