Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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