If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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