Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
