I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
not ubering you a puppy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
