I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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