talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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