He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
