How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize