So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
