It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
