My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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