Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
