so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize