If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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