i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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