Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
