dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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