Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
