Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
