I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
