Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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