I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize