so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
