I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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