well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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