I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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