...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
