i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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