I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
