its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
