this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
