dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
