I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
