I think I am morally bankrupt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
