Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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