I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
