Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
