We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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