The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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