dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
