Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
