i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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