i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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