Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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