She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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