I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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