Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
