I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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