I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
