I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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