Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
