she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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