Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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