dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
