Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
