May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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