he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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