Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
