you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
