it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
