everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
