Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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