that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
