We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
