I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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