Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
