I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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